Let’s make a simple list of goals.

Goal 1: Cosplay and try not to suck at it even though I’m black or something.

Goal 2: Meet LittleKuriboh. Try not to smash his head with my fan boner, so help me god, I will regret it.

Goal 3: Get into the Black and White Ball this year. Seriously, those guys have been sort of asshole-ish about letting me in for the past TWO YEARS now, and it’s starting to get old.  Seriously, I will kill a man. I have a girlfriend this time around, I have to get in. 

Goal 3.2: I will suck a dick if I have to. But not like, anyone’s dick, because I still have to be healthy and I can’t afford to get herpes the day before fanime ends. Someone clean-looking? Then again, when’s the last time you’ve seen a clean-looking dick? AM I RIGHT? I’m right.

Goal 3.3: I have rethought sucking a dick to get into the ball. After much thought, that sounds terrible, and my girlfriend won’t want to kiss someone who’s been gargling another man’s meat rod and mayo. So. I’m just gonna hope they’re not assholes this year.

Goal 4: I probably want to be annihilated when I go to the rave on Saturday. Which I’m almost 97% positive isn’t allowed, so I think I’ll try to play it off. Which should be easy enough, so long as I don’t try to tell the guy at the door how cool he is for 30 minutes.

Goal 3.4: Sorry, I’m still getting over that “meat rod and mayo” comment I made. I think I just vomited a little.

Goal 4.2: Coming back to that, if anyone else is going to fanime, I reccomend pre-gaming before the rave. Seriously, the music starts out awesome, and then it kind of drags on like a Lord of the Rings movie. I don’t regret anything I just said.

Goal 5: Exchange urls this year. Seriously, this place has some chill ass people, so I’ll probably be giving some people my facebook and tumblr if they’re cool. Not my number though, because even if they seem cool, they might like to butt fuck corgies in cellar beneath their house while reciting The Raven. Which I could care less about, so long as they’re at a safe, entire internet connection away from me distance. Does that make me a bad person?

Goal 5.2: It probably does, doesn’t it?

Goal 5.3: I’m gonna go ahead and say yes.

Goal 6: Buy a sweet knife/stuffed Latias. I love me some knives, but Latias is my favorite legendary, and I don’t have anything to show it. I need to do both. Holy shit, maybe I can attach the knife to the stuffed Latias. How rad would that be? Just be all like “Hey, look at my Latias, person I hate,” and they’d be all “Pokemon’s for faggots, lol,” and I’d be like “My DICK is for faggots,” and the Latias would totally stab him in the kidney.

Goal 6.2: “My dick is for faggots.”

Goal 7: I think that last one tears it. I’m done here. If you’re offended by anything I’ve said, please consult the unborn fetus in the lobby. Don’t worry, it can hear, it was only about 7 months in. An abortion at 7 months. Crazy right? You can’t miss it, it’s next to that black guy with those big lips eating KFC or whatever he spends his food stamps on, adjacent to that homeless man ass-raping a child.

Goal 8: These aren’t even goals anymore.

Goal 9: Aaaaaaaand there go my followers.

Goal 10: Abortion.